


The Crossbow-talk

by NightShade



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age II
Genre: Dragon Age Kink Meme, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Shovel Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-03
Updated: 2013-10-03
Packaged: 2017-10-30 13:26:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/332222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightShade/pseuds/NightShade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Varric has Hawke's back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Anders

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/4251.html?thread=14488731), but I edited a little and I wanted to not be anonymous, so... Hm. I tried to adapt it to past-tense, but it just wouldn't work.

"You know, Anders, I like you."

Anders jumps a bit, but smooths out the blanket he was in the middle of folding before turning around. "Uh... Thanks?" He says slowly. Varric is standing in the doorway to his clinic, leaning to one side, with a deceptively cheerful expression on his face.

"But," Varric continues as if Anders hasn’t said anything, "do you know who I like much, much better than you? Perhaps, dare I say it, almost as much as I like Bianca?"

Anders swallows, seems to sense that Varric's not here today in a friendly capacity. "Hawke." He states. It wasn’t a difficult question, after all.

"Bingo!" Varric shows his teethin something that someone looking at him from afar might think was a smile. "And I've seen the way you two look at eachother." He gives Anders a significant look.

At this, Anders smiles. It’s a nervous smile, Varric notes, and files that away for further examination. "So you're, what, jealous? Because I don't think Hawke goes for dwarves, to be honest. Is that why you're here?"

Varric scoffs impatiently. "No." he says shortly. Sometimes simple is better, even if he usually likes to be verbose. He grabs Bianca and aims her at a spot slightly above eyelevel. "I am here to tell you, that if you make her cry - if you hurt her, in any way - Bianca and I will hunt you down and pump you so full of bolts you'll look more like a pincushion than a human, before you can say 'abomination'."

There is a short, heavy, silence in which Anders looks enormously guilty and Varric's finger tighten on Bianca's trigger, but then he nods. Varric thinks to himself that that is probably the best he'll get, so he nods, too.

"Just so we're clear on that." He says shortly, then turns around on his heel and leaves Darktown, Bianca strapped to his back, humming her tune to himself.


	2. Fenris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Fenris' turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I lied and totally wrote more of this. I'll come up with something for Merril, too.

"Elf."  
  
"Dwarf."  
  
Varric glares up at him from the bottom of the staircase. He's holding his crossbow in his left hand, laid across his neck.  
  
"So. You and Hawke, huh?" Word travels fast, apparently. There's a glint in his eyes, like maybe he's here to ask for details again.  
  
"Yeees," Fenris says slowly, stretching out the word, "I thought we already had this conversation."  
  
"No, see, that was the conversation where the bard pesters the hero's love interest for details so he can write their story more accurately." He lifts Bianca from his shoulder and points it upwards, but Fenris doesn't think that if he shot, that arrow would hit his head - it would go somewhere lower, perhaps in the region of the top of his feet...   
  
"This is the conversation where the best friend comes to the love interest's house and tells him that if he hurts his friend, he will shoot him. A lot."  
  
That was not what he had expected when Varric came in here, weapon drawn. He'd thought maybe he was about to be betrayed and sent back to Tevinter, it's a paranoia that never leaves. Varric looks at him expectantly from the bottom of the stairs and he realises the dwarf expects an answer. "I don't think you need to worry about that." He says, relieved.  
  
Varric nods and puts Bianca back to her usual spot on his back. "Good." He turns to leave; "So, Wicked Grace, later?"  
  
"Never miss it."


	3. Isabela

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric has a talk with Isabela

"You know, Isabela, I like yo-" Varric begins, but Isabela interrupts him, rather more enthusiastically than he was prepared for.

"Oh, Varric, I knew you couldn't resist my charms for long!" She says, clearly a bit tipsy, but managing not to spill the drink in her hand as she charges towards him.

"I-"

"Oh, don't be shy, come on, you can bring Bianca, we'll have a good time, you'll see." Isabela practically purrs the words.

"Rivaini, that's not what I meant." He says, then opens his mouth to continue on with his speech. He closes it again with a click. "You know what, never mind. I'll just go talk to Hawke."

He doesn't have to look behind him to know that Isabela is pouting behind him. She'll get over it. 

Clearly, if Hawke doesn't know what she's gotten herself into with this one, she deserves whatever she gets.


	4. Merrill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merrill gets a visit

"Merrill."  
  
"Hi, Varric!" She says, chipper as always. His eyes go to the glass shard in front of her on the table, its edges stained with blood. He doesn't have an opinion on Is Magic Bad Or Not issue, in fact, he's put some hard work into not having an opinion. But, well, there's no denying blood magic is creepy as hell. "Was there something in particular you wanted, Varric, or did you forget what it was? I do that sometimes, last week I went to the Hanged Man to talk to Isabella about something, but when I got there-"  
  
"I didn't forget, Daisy, I was just gathering my thoughts. I came here to," he pauses and pulls Bianca off his back for dramatic effect.  
  
It might have been a bit too dramatic. Merril's eyes grow bigger than he's ever seen. "You- you're not going to shoot me, are you, Varric?"  
  
This isn't at all going how he planned this. Carefully, he sets Bianca on the floor, and Merril relaxes and puts down the knife that was halfway to her hand. "See, I heard this rumour about Hawke dating someone from the alienage, and I thought to myself, who could that be? Perhaps a certain dalish mage? I know you mean well, but if you ever hurt Hawke, I'll... I'll take back my ball of string!"  
  
As threats go, it lacks a certain something, but Merrill seems properly chastised. "I would never hurt Hawke, Varric. Never."  
  
Varric picks up Bianca, sighs, heads back to the door. Merrill always has good intentions. "See that you don't, Daisy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the most difficult one to write, how could you threaten Merrill? She's so adorable. Also, kind of difficult to write? Like Varric, I gave it my best shot.


End file.
